4 Tips for Staying Calm During Tantrums

Picture it–you’re at a park, in a restaurant, or in a grocery store when your child has a dreaded tantrum. This could be for a number of reasons–they’re hungry, thirsty, “over the experience,” etc. So what do you do? 

While there are many approaches on how to handle a tantrum whether you're in public or at home, one thing remains constant–the calmer the parent, the better. Below you’ll see four tips for how to stay calm during a tantrum. While not all approaches will work for everyone, the goal is to help you, the parent, guardian, or caregiver. They can help de-escalate the situation in the calmest, and safest way possible.

1. Resist overreacting to the tantrum.

This one seems like an “obvious” tip, but it’s an important one which is why it’s at the top. It’s easy to yell, let the child continue to throw their tantrum, or just ignore it. If you can calmly speak to the child and remove them from the situation in a calm and safe way, it will help you remain in control and also help prevent any additional stressors to both of you from your surroundings.

2. Prepare mentally for tantrums

While a lot of tantrums can be spur of the moment, some can be anticipated. For example, if your child doesn’t nap before an event, and they’re still at an age where they need that nap, they’re probably more prone to a tantrum. Tell yourself that it will all be okay, you’ve got this, and both you and the child will get through it.

If you’re going to a familiar place, prepare for a safe space to take the child to calm down, and give yourself the time to do the same. Even though tantrums are a normal and according to experts healthy part of children's development, they can be exhausting. So it’s important to take care of all involved.

3. Focus on the words you want to say

It’s easy to tell the child how you’re feeling when a tantrum occurs and how it’s wrong to do instead of letting it all out. Adults are used to talking things out, where young children don’t have the communication skills to properly communicate how they are feeling.

Try to think of it this way–if we have times when we struggle to communicate as adults, how can we expect the child to do the same. Instead, pick a couple of keywords or phrases to say. Examples include: “Let it out,” “We will get through it,” or “I’m right here.” These simple sentences are minimal but effective. It will help the child explain how they feel in their own way. And, it will help you understand what is triggering the tantrum.

4. Take a deep breath, and tell yourself “We can get through this.”

While it may be an obvious answer, it’s one that’s often overlooked. It’s easy to match the situation you’re in, and it’s probably easier at the moment. But in the long run, remaining calm will go a long way.

If the child is at an age where they can understand what taking a deep breath is, try to get them to also participate. If not, you’ll both still get through it. Whether you’re in public or alone with your child, take 10 seconds to take a deep breath. Remind yourself that this won’t last forever.

Hopefully, these tips can help you or someone you know the next time your child is having a tantrum. Remember, as challenging as it is, the tantrums are not random and are coming from a place of overwhelm in your child. If your child is struggling with tantrums often, don't hesitate to reach out to learn more about child or parent therapy.